it just isn't

the reason i didn't get up this morning isn't you
it isn't the cold floor
it isn't the shower that only lasted until my hair is soapy
it isn't the empty fridge, bare save for a carton of crusted over ice cream
it isn't the lack of matching shoes
it isn't my hair refusing to stay flat
it isn't the car windows that (still) won't roll up
it isn't the traffic i meet on my way
it isn't the man i pass everyday; we still don't acknowledge each other
it isn't the heavy door i lean against to open

it isn't any of that
if only i knew.